Cell 2 Soul: The Humane Health Care Blog

The Daughter Care System

“The best long-term care insurance in the United States is a conscientious daughter.”

“As medicine advances, people are surviving longer and longer with chronic conditions, and will need more and more caregiving.” It seems clear that women will continue to shoulder a disproportionate burden of the care. “A lot of women have been in caregiver roles traditionally. They may have that skill set, or intention, or a feeling of obligation.”

This is a concise and important article from the NY Times, by Roni Caryn Rabin. For full article, go to: The Daughter Care System.

One thing it does not cover is the negative health effects that family care-givers suffer. Katie Butler describes those in her landmark book, “Knocking on Heaven’s Door.” Here are some notes on Butler’s book.

Mothers and Daughters

Mothers Are Human Too
by Marla Lukofsky

Years ago, during a rough patch of communications between my mother and me, I had a conversation with Aunty Phyllis, my mom’s beloved sister and partner-in-crime. I confessed to her that I thought my mother didn’t love me. She paused for a moment, then broke her silence and said, “That’s interesting Marla, because recently your mother told me that she doesn’t think you love her.”  My aunty’s news shocked and pained me. Up until then, I’d never thought that my mother might have the same vulnerabilities that I did. Parents are superhuman after all.

To read the rest: Download Mothers Are Human Too

Marla is on left

 

Two Poems by Jane Seskin

OFFICE VISIT

At the Doctor’s
they’re quick to put you
in a brightly lit room
without a clock, close the door
so you think you’re next,
but honestly, you’re not.

I’m always cold sitting
on the paper-covered exam table,
wearing the short-sleeved gown,
magazine left outside,
shut away from the hallway action
where the staff is merrily chatting.

For years I’ve sat quietly,
patiently, nervously. Isolated.
But now, now I’m in mode of
older smart ass and I-won’t-follow-
your-rules, so I push open the door
… and yes, at long last I am seen.

GRIEF-WORK

I wrote my Mother
a love letter
on a yellow legal pad
a year after her death.

I described workshops taught,
poems published, trips taken,
friends seen, men dated
and at the end

recounted
the incredible loss I felt,
from her absence
in my life.

Then I burned the four pages
in the bathroom sink,
spooned the ashes
into three baggies,

got on a plane to Florida
and scattered the words of love
behind the condo
where she lived with my Dad,

in the park
of the assisted living complex
where she died
in her sleep,

and down the very middle
of her well-kept grave
where I watered the ashes
with my tears.

 

Bio: Jane Seskin is a clinical social worker and the author of Witness To Resilience: Stories of Intimate Violence. You can follow her on Twitter: @jsauthorshrink