Cell 2 Soul: The Humane Health Care Blog

Hapy Thanksgivukah

This week marks the convergence of two great gustatory holidays, Thanksgiving and Hanukkah. The last time this happened was 1888 and the next time may have Jews lighting candles from spaceships 79,043 years from now (by one calculation).  For enjoyment, see these links:

Thanksgivukah Rap Parody

Carve the Turkey and Pass the Latkes (NY Times)

Dr. Len Hoenig, our South Florida Kosher Korrespondent, sent us Thanksgivukah Gobble Tov greetings:

An Esay on Unesesary Leters

          There is far too much paperwork and computer work in medicine today:  endless forms to fill out, prescriptions to e-prescribe, medical records to input etc.  It occurred to me that one solution to this problem would be to streamline and simplify our English language.

          The great playwright, George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950) suggested this very idea a number of years ago and several essays have already been published on this topic.  So while my idea is not new, perhaps it is timely, given the mounting paperwork and bureaucracy inherent in 21^st Century medicine.

          There appears to be a lot of redundancy in the English language, especially in medical terms.  Take, for example, the word “sick”.  Why do we need both a “c” and a “k” in this word?  Why not write it as “sik”?  The letter “c” is totally unnecessary in the alphabet since the letter “k” and “s” will replace, respectively, a hard “c” and a soft “c”.

          Think how much easier it would be for children to learn the alphabet if it were only 25 letters instead of 26.  No more ABCs, just ABDs!  I would also eliminate double letters in words such as illness.  The word can simply be written as “ilnes”.  Think how easy it would be to write “Cell 2 Soul Blog” as “Sel 2 Sol  Blog”.

          Another letter to eliminate would be “x” which can be replaced by other letters, e.g. “xerosis” (abnormal dryness of a body part) would become “zerosis”.  Also the pronoun “you” can be simplified to “u” as is done in text messaging (e.g. “gr8 2 no u” means “great to know you”).

          Putting all of the above together, the English language and medical paperwork would start to look more compact and elegant as follows:  now u kan se eksaktly how nise the English language kan be when unesesary leters are iliminatid!

          Best Wishes and Hapy Holidays 2 U!

Download An Esay on Unesesary Leters

 

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Thanksgiving + First Day Of Chanukah = 'Thanksgivukah'

Is There Power in Prayer? by Marla Lukofsky

  So there I was, sitting on the curb outside the Farmer’s Market pharmacy in Los Angeles, minding my own business, waiting for my anti-nausea drugs to be filled, when out of nowhere a Baptist woman and her two children surrounded me.  She asks if they could pray for my eternal soul.  There was no mistaking the fact that I was not in good shape, reeling from the side effects of chemo, looking pretty peaked, complete with scarf-covered bald head and paled face to match.  Surprisingly I had the wherewithal to respond.

     “Well…you can pray for me if you wanna lady, but I have to be honest and let you know that I’m a proud, agnostic, gay Jew. Now…if you still wanna pray for me, then you go right ahead. I figure it can’t hurt.”

     The woman moved quickly, instructing her children to take their positions.

     “Robert, you take this nice lady’s left hand, and Vanessa, you take her right. Now children… close your eyes, bow your heads down, and listen to my words.” My head was bowed down too…between my knees…trying not to chuck my cookies. I heard the woman say all sorts of incredibly kind religious things. "Lorrrdy this and Our Fatherrrrr that..." She made beautiful wishes and dreams for me, for my future and for my health.  I felt like I was a fancy dinner, being said grace over.  Finally she concluded with a resounding “AAA-men” and her children followed suit.

     “Amen”.

     “Amen”.

     “Amen”. That was me… the last ‘Amen’.

     So…you might want to know… did it help? The prayers? The good vibes?   Who the hell knows.  One thing I do know is that they felt better for doing it, and I felt better for letting them. Then I went home and threw up. Pills and all.

Amen.

About Marla: Her Web Site.  A student at a Canadian high school wrote this to her after hearing a presentation.  "I feel obliged to thank you for you have given me insight into how to speak with friends and family when they are ill or sad. I'm not sure if it was the brilliant inspirational words or your charming, charismatic aura that made me so enchanted with your story but I hope to see more of you soon."  For student's full letter: Download Hello Marla Lukofsky

Email Marla.

Marginal Notes: God Rest His Soul

Father Bloom is dead; God rest his soul. His obituary states that he died from "shortness of breath." As I recall, he was never a long-winded man to begin with.  >>more

 

Brian T. Maurer has practiced pediatrics as a Physician Assistant for thirty years.  His "Marginal Notes" column appears periodically in the Cell2Soul Blog. The title "Marginal Notes" is taken from a quote by Henry David Thoreau: "I love a broad margin to my life."

Marginal Notes: Tongue in Cheek

“I understand you were in research before you went to dental school,” I say to my dentist, recalling a little known fact that his hygienist divulged to me at my last cleaning.

“That’s right. I worked in steroid hormone research with male hamsters for two years. After that I switched to molecular research. My boss was credited with decoding the genome for retinoblastoma.”

“Interesting stuff.”

“Well, yes and no. Research is very tedious. The thing I remember most was having to extract the food pellets from the cheek pouches of the male hamsters after anesthetizing them. These pellets were as big as your thumbnail.”

He picks up the drill and slips it into the back of my mouth. >>more

Brian T. Maurer has practiced pediatrics as a Physician Assistant for thirty years.  His "Marginal Notes" column appears periodically in the Cell2Soul Blog. The title "Marginal Notes" is taken from a quote by Henry David Thoreau: "I love a broad margin to my life."

Marginal Notes: An Old-Fashioned Boyhood

I step out of the exam room and walk to the front office to dispose of the paperwork. How refreshing to see a kid enjoying an old-fashioned boyhood, I think—plenty of fresh air and activity, eager to explore the natural world, hands-on experiences in the outdoors—far removed from an endless string of video games, TV shows, cell phone chatter and Facebook posts—the kind of boyhood I had myself. >>more

Brian T. Maurer has practiced pediatrics as a Physician Assistant for thirty years.  His "Marginal Notes" column appears periodically in the Cell2Soul Blog. The title "Marginal Notes" is taken from a quote by Henry David Thoreau: "I love a broad margin to my life."

Marginal Notes: Jabberwocky

Jabberwocky is perhaps the best nonsense poem written in the English language.  Author Lewis Carroll included it in his children’s book, Through the Looking Glass, and What Alice Found There.  In the poem Carroll makes liberal use of portmanteau, the blending of two or more words (and their meanings) into one.

On an initial reading, many of Carroll’s words baffle the mind.  What actions, for instance, do the verbs “gyre” and “gimble” signify, or the adjective “frumious”?  Thankfully, Carroll himself offered a few definitions to enable readers to decipher various phrases. >>more

 

Brian T. Maurer has practiced pediatrics as a Physician Assistant for thirty years.  His "Marginal Notes" column appears periodically in the Cell2Soul Blog. The title "Marginal Notes" is taken from a quote by Henry David Thoreau: "I love a broad margin to my life."

Marginal Notes: One of the Club

 

My daughter’s fiancé, who is now my new son-in-law, invited me to a golf outing the day before their wedding.  Although it pained me deeply to admit it, the last time I had played golf was twenty-some years ago—and that was the miniature variety.  With the exception of one disastrous afternoon attempt at chip and putt as an adolescent, the only other time I had ever set foot on a conventional golf course was in high school when I ran cross-country.  “Sure,” I choked.  “I’d be happy to come.”  >>more

 

Brian T. Maurer has practiced pediatrics as a Physician Assistant for thirty years.  His "Marginal Notes" column appears periodically in the Cell2Soul Blog. The title "Marginal Notes" is taken from a quote by Henry David Thoreau: "I love a broad margin to my life."

Marginal Notes: A Socratic dialog on health care reform

In attempting to make some sense of our ongoing national debate on health care reform, I recently had a chat with two old mentors of mine. It turns out that the subject is certainly not new; indeed, it has been discussed and debated for centuries.

These two mentors graciously consented to allow me to record one of their more recent dialogs on the subject, which can be accessed here.

 

Brian T. Maurer has practiced pediatrics as a Physician Assistant for thirty years.  His "Marginal Notes" column appears periodically in the Cell2Soul Blog. The title "Marginal Notes" is taken from a quote by Henry David Thoreau: "I love a broad margin to my life."

Marginal Notes: Counting Costs

Barbershop Quartet by Norman Rockwell

“I gotta tell you, this Obama character scares the bejesus outta me,” the man in the barber chair said.  “All this talk about death panels deciding when to pull the plug on us older folks. Next thing you know, we’ll have socialized medicine, and then no one will get proper care.”

Peyton pulled the barber drape off the man’s chest and brushed a few freshly clipped grey hairs off the man’s shoulders.  Slowly the old man climbed down from the chair and made his way across the linoleum tiled floor to the ancient cash register.  He handed Peyton a twenty dollar bill and waited for Peyton to count out his change.  >>more

 

Brian T. Maurer has practiced pediatrics as a Physician Assistant for thirty years.  His "Marginal Notes" column appears periodically in the Cell2Soul Blog. The title "Marginal Notes" is taken from a quote by Henry David Thoreau: "I love a broad margin to my life."

Father's Day 2009

 Our Big Island titta, Surfdoc, Shay Bintliff sent us her thoughts about this most all-important mercantile holiday.  Strangely, it applied to my grilling on that most sacred of occasions.

Thank you Shay, once again, for enlightening me!  Here are her wise words.

Aloha friends!! 
Sunday was Father's Day and the following is shared to shed light on the agust occasion: 
BBQ RULES!  Know it is HIS day,
This is to refresh your memory on the etiquette of this sublime outdoor cooking activity. When a man volunteers to do the BBQ, especially on Father's Day, the following chain of events are put into motion:
1). The woman buys the food.
2).The woman makes the salad prepares the vegetables and makes dessert.
3). The woman prepares the meat for cooking, putting it on a tray with the sauces, cooking utensils and takes it to the man who is lounging beside the grill...beer in hand!
4). The woman remains outside the compulsory 5 foot exclusion zone where manly bonding activities will take place without the interference of the woman.
NOW THE IMPORTANT PART:
5). MAN PLACES THE MEAT ON THE GRILL!
6). The woman goes inside to organize the plates, glasses and cutlery.
7). The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat looks great. He says thank you and asks that she bring him and his friend another beer while he flips the meat.
IMPORTANT AGAIN: 
8). Man takes the meat off the grill and hands it to the woman.
9). The woman prepares all other food and brings it to the outdoor table.
10). After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes.
11) AND MOST IMPORTANT OF ALL... Everyone PRAISES the MAN and THANKS HIM for his cooking expertise!
AND THE FINALE...
12).The man asks the woman how she enjoyed her 'night off' from cooking, but cannot figure out why she seems annoyed. 

Well... Hope y’all had a  HAPPY FATHER'S DAY!!!

A hui hou... da midget